Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
