If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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