5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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