He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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