were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Ketchup is God's man juice
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize