im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
