i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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