we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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