I think im going to throw up on grandma
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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