i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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