8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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