Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
