K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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