Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
