You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize