Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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