I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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