she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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