I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize