Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
