To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
