My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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