C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
