i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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