This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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