I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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