maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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