1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
