I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
