After last night, I could never be a politician.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
