tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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