allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
