i barfeds in our rink
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
