I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
