my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
