i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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