I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
