I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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