but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
