in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
