I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
