I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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