My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
