i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize