Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
