please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
