I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
