Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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