3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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