I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
