did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
