omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
