My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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