omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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