Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
