3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
