Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
