My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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