franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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