Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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