Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
not ubering you a puppy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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