my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we should paint friendship bongs
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