trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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