I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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