I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize