It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
