It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
