I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
