One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
