Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
