The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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