I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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