First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
