there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
