I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
